Ink me up

Honestly love tattoos!!!! They are so hot and sexy, I can't even. Always am so tempted to get inked myself but there's just too much thoughts about it which stresses me out, ugh.

1) Religion. Being a Muslim, it is a huge sin. They say that the grave will not accept our bodies if it is not as it was given to us by God. Of course right now I'm thinking "Oh I don't care" "Hey I'm not religious one bit" "I am responsible for my own sins" etc but I'm just afraid that one day in the future I'm gonna regret it when I am ready to repent.

2) Family & Friends. Everyone will fucking kill me if they find out that I inked myself, that's a definite! Family-wise, I would obviously die. No questions asked. Friends, they'll probably be super disappointed/ mad/ or give stupid remarks like "You're an idiot" "Such a waste" "You're gonna regret" "It's gonna look ugly when you grow old" "What were you thinking when you decided to inflict pain on yourself and create permanent damage to your once beautiful skin" etc. Oh my it could even be worse!

3) Work. I'm not so sure about my future but based on where I currently am at, I think I'm most likely to stay in the hospitality industry. Because of this, tattoos and piercings are going to be a huge problem! (WHICH SUCKS BIG TIME BECAUSE I LOVE THEM) Well, the industry IS really strict in terms of grooming standards. But I can get them at hidden places which will be covered by my uniform ;-)

4) What and Where? Thinking of the ideal perfect part of my body to ink is one of the hardest because I have so many things to consider (able to hide easily, the pain, and most importantly is if it's sexy. I mean I wouldn't wanna have an ink on a redundant spot where it's gonna be awkward or whatever hah). Thinking of the design/ phrases/ fonts/ colours are all totally a challenge because I will need to pick something perfect so that I will not regret it in the near future to come. I guess this is the shittiest factor of all since it plays the most important part! Dammit.

One day, I'm telling you. One fucking fine ass day.

ANGST AND RAGE

EVERY FUCKING SOUL IS GETTING ON MY LAST NERVES RIGHT NOW. SO PISSED I CAN'T EVEN. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!

NOBODY CARES. I AM FUCKING INSIGNIFICANT. WHEN DID I EVER MATTER TO ANY FUCKING ONE? ALWAYS THERE FOR EVERYONE BUT IN TIMES WHEN I'M IN NEED NOBODY IS FUCKING AVAILABLE TO EVEN HEAR ME OUT. I MEAN HELLO I AM NOT ASKING FOR MUCH. IS IT TOO HARD TO SIMPLY BOTHER?! AM I THAT INVISIBLE? DO I FUCKING MEAN NOTHING TO ALL OF YOU? CAN'T YOU JUST FUCKING BE THERE? I MEAN SERIOUSLY??????

I USED TO OPEN UP SO EASILY AND SIMPLY TO ALMOST ANYONE BUT NOW NOBODY GIVE A FLYING FUCK NOT EVEN THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE WOW. WHAT'S THE FUCKING POINT?! THE ONLY PERSON I'M WILLING TO OPEN UP TO ISN'T EVEN WILLING TO LISTEN. HOW PATHETIC AM I?! APPARENTLY MY SHIT DON'T MATTER HUH? IT'S LIKE I CAN DISAPPEAR FROM THE FACE OF THE EARTH RIGHT NOW AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT LIKE FUCK YOU!!!!!!

JUST DON'T FUCKING BOTHER ANYMORE OK, HONESTLY. JUST FUCKING DON'T.

IT'S PROBABLY TIME FOR ME TO BUILD UP THEM WALLS AND SHUT THE FUCKING WORLD OUT. I SHOULD FUCKING GO MISSING IN ACTION.

I NEED TO INFLICT PAIN ON MYSELF SO BADLY RIGHT NOW BUT I DON'T WANT TO REGRET. WHICH MEANS I NEED TO INFLICT PAIN THAT WILL MEAN SOMETHING. PIERCINGS AND TATTOOS COUNT OK. I NEED THEM. I NOW IT'S STUPID THAT I TURN TO THESE BUT HEY AT LEAST THEY MAKE ME FEEL A LITTLE BETTER WHENEVER I FEEL SO FUCKING SHITTY AND THEY'RE PRETTY HOT! DON'T TALK TO ME ABOUT WASTE OF MONEY OR RELIGION OR WHATEVER SHIT LA I SWEAR I WILL FUCK YOU UP IF YOU DO SO.

JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND LET ME DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT. MIND YOUR OWN FUCKING BUSINESS. I HATE ALL OF YOU!!! I NEED A DRINK OR TWO.

What is school?

(my fav girls right now)

So it's already the semester break!

No more travelling to Woodlands every god damn day. No more dreading to go to school. No more Problem Statement, PDT, Worksheet, PPT, 6P, RR, UT. No more shitty school food. No more RP. No more slacking after school (or during). No more meeting all my friends daily. Wait........

This started out being a happy thing! Now I'm sad knowing I'll be leaving all my dearest friends :-(
Well, friends come and go! That's what they say...

And it all went by a little too quick huh. Three whole years. Just like that. Gone. It's over. Never thought this moment would come this fast. I am honestly going to miss every single bit of school. I don't want to grow old just yet! But sadly, the reality is, my work life is beginning in exactly two weeks. Wow?

Anyways, my birthday is pretty shitty. I mean, all I ever wanted was helium balloons (which I got NONE) and receiving presents from many. Sigh, when will I ever be getting an awesome birthday? Never did, never will. Sucks to be me? Yeah. At least I managed to spend the day with my loved ones.

Don't get me started on my love life. UGH!!!!! I feel so....... unwanted, unloved, undesired, (every negative word there is to describe me) omfg I hate myself.

Senior Year

Holidays are coming to an end in a blink of an eye. Just like that *snaps* and two months have gone by in a flash. Flashbacks (good and bad) are replaying like a movie in my mind.

To start the new school year, I would like to have a change of attitude.
- Be on time for lessons (barely did so last year)
- No more skipping classes for the fun of it (unless with reasonable reason)
- Pay attention and participate more in class
- Put in more effort into my RJs and UTs
- Achieve better daily grades and of course UT grades

But let's review these after a few weeks perhaps? Because I've always said them but never really accomplish them. We'll see my progress this semester...

It's interesting that many Unitians are joining the RP family including my dear ones (Nadra, Amalina, Lyyanna, Izyan, Ili) I can't wait to see them around campus!

Wish me luck for my last semester in school :) xx

Keep it simple

A night out with mum and the best girl was really nice! Mustafa Centre -> Adam Road -> West Coast Park til dawn. It was something new to be spending the night sitting under the stars and talking about everything with best girl while mum was busy drinking with her friends. With best girl spending the day at my house after that as well, it may be simple and seemed like nothing to others but I really had fun. She's really the only one who has seen me at my worst and knows every single thing about me (and my family). Words can never express my love for this best girl of mine who will always have my back no matter what. I don't know what I'd do without her in my life. It's why I treasure moments like this, oh hell I treasure every single moment with her!