Meet my family! Hah anyways....
A very happy 43rd birthday to Herman Bin Jamil. Chey hahaha, well. I bought a small durian cake after ze meeting at school for a mini celebration at night and we successfully managed to surprise papa when he came home :') It was just me and mama though because adik came home late.
I still remember that tragic accident papa got into. I was only 14 then. It was on the news and papa's car was literally cut into half! Papa was SO CLOSE to dying. The thought of it still scares me. I cannot imagine life without papa. Papa means everything. He is the only one working so hard to earn all the money for our family. If papa's gone..... Then, our life would be so very different. It would be hard, really tough. With me and adik still schooling, we'd have to think of the expensive school fees and spendings. The house and all the bills. Daily meals. Shopping. Everything would change. Nothing would be the same. Instead of an average girl, I might have financial problems and what not. Every day I thank God that He did not take papa's life. Syukur Alhamdullilah that papa is still around, right here right now. I don't know what would be of us without papa. I love papa very much <3 He is the best in the world. Despite whatever he says/does, I know he means the best. No matter what, I will always love papa :')
Thinking about papa in this scenario reminds me of Alif's late dad. I really feel so bad. Alif, being my boyfriend at the time, never mentioned to me about his dad's cancer. And me, being stupid and paranoid and all those freaking shit, I broke up with him because of so many idiotic reasons. Little did I know, I left him when he needed me the most. I'm such an asshole. It took his bestfriend to inform me and by then it was all too late. All I could do was give my condolences and I gave him $20 out of my own pathetic pocket money. It was worth it, although I then didn't have money to eat for the whole week. I really pity him.
You know, I think I'm such a bitch. He did so many things for me yet I never saw it. I chose to ignore all the things he did for me. Many questioned our relationship, but now I do too. Right now, I wonder if I really loved him. I know he did. To think about it, I can recall the way he looked at me, the way he said he loved me, the way he treated me. I should have known better. I let myself listen to what my friend said to me instead of listening to my heart and seeing it with my own eyes. I let a friend of mine brainwash me into thinking so many negative thoughts about him which made me question his love for me.
Little did I know, that friend wasn't a friend. How was I to know that she was in love with my boyfriend? My very own best friend at that point of time. Oh God, the things she did to me. She let her jealousy get in the way of our friendship and she broke me all the way down. She made all my friends turn their backs on me. She made everyone hate me. She made it seem like I'm such a bad person. Until now, I really have no idea what are the rumours she spread about me.
Well, I could go on forever when it comes to the topic of Alif and Nora. This story is one that goes a long way. I should stop before I start getting too emotional right now. But hey, at least now we're all good. We've all forgiven each other, we're all friends, and we don't speak of our past anymore. Guess we're all just trying our best to forget about all that because it hurts. *shrugs*
Le sigh. I haven't talked to Hamka since yesterday. I have no idea why I'm so annoyed by him lately. I think it's my stupid ass period. But well, he's really sensitive. So he's all down and hurt and what not. Actually, this isn't a big deal. I mean, there's nothing I can do if my idiotic pms decides to act up. He could just let me be for now and then everything could be back to normal when my period's done. But no, he had to say that it's unfair to him. I mean, come on! This is me during periods. He has got to learn to live with this. It's not like it's weeks of not talking or something, it's just a day or two. Doesn't hurt, right? Gosh. So he feels that it's unfair to him if I don't talk to him during my period... Then would he rather I talk to him and get pissed at him for nothing because I'm on my period which could potentially lead to arguments/fights? No I don't want that. That is why I chose to not talk to him during this time when I'm all moody and shit. But well, I have no idea what to do now. He still feels miserable and he's still being sensitive. And I'm here like god dude gimme a break! And all of a sudden I'm pissed at him. *jumps off building* I hope we can work things out tmr.
PERIOD'S A FREAKING PAIN IN THE BUM BUM >:( I hate periods! Causing all these stupid hoo haa which is so unnecessary, hmph.
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