I have a boyfriend whom I love. Yet I also have a bestfriend whom I love.
Meeting ka has been one of the best things when we were dating. However somehow things got boring once we became official. It's like he doesn't do things that makes me feel extra special and loved everyday like he used to. The long text messages, the long calls at night, the surprising me under my block things, the many dates we had, the msn conversations and the webcamming sessions... Seemed to have all faded away. Now, it's just simple things day in and day out. Nothing special. Fights and arguments here and there. Doubting him at times, even. Sometimes I just can't seem to trust his words, I don't even know why. Of course occasionally he whips up some random things like buying me chocolates (which sometimes I don't even like but don't have the heart to say so), treating me to movies/meals, and flowers... But it's just, I feel like he's not making any more effort. Well, not as much as before. It's like what they say, something about once they've gotten the girl or something? Yeah whatever that is, something like that. It's like, he doesn't need to impress me or chase me any more since he has already gotten me, so he stopped doing all those that made me fell in the first place. Now it's just plain boring somehow.
On another note.....
Meeting min has also been one of the best things that has happened to me. He has always been there for me, he is the one that I tell my problems to. He knows me best. When I'm not feeling ok, even without me tweeting it he is aware. He notice every single thing about me. He even blames ka for quite a number of things that happened to me because he said ka didn't observe me enough to notice the little things or something like that even when I was fully at fault in those situations. He is too damn sweet to me. He sends me good morning and good night texts, he sometimes randomly rings me up just to hear my voice, he comes down to gombak at times, he ditches plans for me, he treats me to movies/meals, he always lets me sleep on his shoulder before/after work, he made me breakfast, he buys stuffs for me at times, and he just has really random yet really sweet surprises for me. He was really cheeky with me and he was just so cute. He would be all romantic with me even when it's wrong. When I wanted to go to batam, he bought me a carebear keychain and made me breakfast and wanted to fetch me from my block and send me to harbourfront but didn't cause mama sent me... That was just too sweet. And many of his thoughts are very sweet as well. He is such a gentleman and he treats me right like a man should. What happened between us these days have just made me miss him more. He is backing off from my life just to see me happy with ka. He doesn't understand that I need him, my bestfriend, to be here for me. He says that I don't need him at all and that I don't miss him, he doesn't believe me. But I do. Despite his feelings for me, he can still be by my side when I need him, can't he? I mean, he's been there all the time. Now who am I to run to with my problems?
Now ka is saying that he doesn't like my friendship with min, does he have no idea how important min is to me? I really can't lose him.
This is best girl's thought:
"I think right, min is like awesome ah and he really treats you right like hw a guy is supposed to treat his girlfriend. And hamka... You guys do stuff together and you make memories and i think you love the both of them bt you liked hamka first. and if hamka had treat you right, i bet you wouldnt have been feeling like this. so its hamka's fault, that he left you vulnerable to min's charms haha"
Here's the thing.
When I'm with min, I forget the world and have loads of fun and I'm fully myself around him. But I feel bad and I miss ka. But when I'm with ka, I keep thinking of min like I wish it was min sometimes.. I guess ami's right. Maybe if I had met min before I met ka, everything would be different. Maybe me and ka might not even happen at all. Sometimes I think about leaving ka because being with min seems better for me. The way min cares for me, the way min loves me, the way min thinks about me.. I mean, how would you feel if your boyfriend backstabs you? If he tells all his friends bad things about you and make them all think negatively about you and hate you when you did nothing? Yeah, sucks right? Exactly what ka did to me...... I can't even. This is why I still don't fully trust him even when we've been dating for like 8 months already. It's really hard when your boyfriend has this kind of attitude and he hides things from you....... Oh well.
I really am at a lost these days and I am very confused about my feelings, I have no idea what I am to do. But I try not to think about it all whenever I'm with ka these days, because I do not want him to worry. I miss min a lot though, been too long since I last met him, what more since I last spent quality time with him :(
I guess I love them both, but who is more important? Not sure. Both are equally as important? Maybe.
Life is unfair, but hey this is life. We just gotta learn to live with it no matter what, don't we all?
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