Silly me

Last minute I actually went out to town today with Nadra. I bought the awesome black, pink and purple vans! Love love! And I also bought something for baby and myself. I really hope he doesn't mind and I hope he likes it. I'm gonna wear mine everyday. ^^ Hehe. Anyways, as soon as I got home, something happened..

Okay. Currently I feel worse and better, both at the same time. I feel really bad that she cried reading my blog. I swear I didn't mean it that way. I was just really paranoid and I didn't know what was going on. So yes, those were my thoughts at the time. Well, I didn't even know that baby knows my blog and that he told her about it. But I feel better because the misunderstanding between us has been solved. Although it was indirectly on twitter, but still. I'm thankful to her for everything. I guess I was the one who caused the whole huge misunderstanding just because I was too paranoid. I was just thinking way too much that I ended up hurting her. I can't believe I did that. I've never meant to hurt her. I'm so deeply sincerely sorry, from the bottom of my heart. I mean it and I hope she knows it. I've apologized to her numerous times on twitter and I still feel bad. Sigh. Well, I guess it's all fine now...? I really hope it is. Oh god I seriously can't believe that I'm at fault. Why did I think so much about that? Why did I have to create this super huge misunderstanding? How silly of me. She's such a nice girl. I hope my stupid-ness won't ruin her friendship with him. God, I actually hate myself right now.

Well, now it's no longer indirect, and we're having a direct conversation on twitter mentioning each other. Sigh. I'm really such an idiot, I'm so dumb. Fudge, what was I thinking? Ergh. I bet she hates me now. I hate myself, I really do.

I changed my blog url because I don't feel safe any more so this is just in case. I thought blogging was safe because nobody knew my blog. Boy was I wrong. So nowhere's safe any more. Facebook, twitter, tumblr, blog. All's too public. Maybe I should get a private blog which only I can read. I really need to share my personal problems some place, because sometimes I really don't feel like telling anybody. It's just me, I don't open up to people that much about my personal problems. Sigh.

One last thing. Wardah's a real sweetie. Of all people, I didn't expect her to be the one who's there for me. She texted me and she offered to help any time I'm in need of it. She was actually worried for me and she cheered me up. I've only just made friends with her very very recently but she's been so nice to me, I'm thankful to have met her. :')

But of course, not forgetting my bestest friend, Ami. She calmed me down too and she helped me feel a little better. I love her to bits, she's always there for me.

Now I shall just lay in bed, and stone. I'm not gonna do anything. I'm just gonna stare at the ceiling. I'm just gonna think. I'm just gonna continue feeling real bad. And I think I might just cry, but maybe I need that. I don't even feel like talking to baby, to anyone for that matter. I'm just that affected. Well, goodnight then.